Today I received an e-mail. The subject said...."Developmental Kindergarten Position." It was from a local school district and it was about a position that I had applied for. Not only did I apply for this position.....but this is the one that I REALLY wanted. It was one reason I passed up two other positions... I was holding out for this one. So, I excitedly opened the e-mail....only to find out that the position that I just knew I was perfect for would not be one that I would have. It was an email saying that I had not been selected to interview. I was a little shocked, honestly. I mean didn't they know that I was literally perfect for this job....it was the one I was most confident in...and really how could they not even give me a chance to interview. Obviously, I was upset and also a little hurt...and I felt rejected.
So, all afternoon I thought about it...I was honestly a little down. And when I told Ryan..who is in Dallas right now...he apologized, but then immediately told me that I needed to be taking this job search seriously..that I needed to find a job! I know that he is just a logical thinker....and he was thinking logically. But...I think mostly with my heart...and at that moment, I did not need a lecture. So, I responded very defensively....I mean I search and apply for jobs daily! Anyway...Satan was just trying to get me down about the job search and about my first real rejection....I know it was Satan...it had his fingerprints all over it.
But then as always....God came to my rescue with encouragement. I was running and listening to a song that I have heard over and over....but this time a phrase stood out....it said (speaking to God)..."Everything you bless....is not everything I plan or dream." It was just God's way of whispering..."Stacey...remember just because you long for this....that does not mean that I long for you to have this." I struggle because I don't see many options right now....and I don't know what job God does want me to have. Another reason why it was so difficult me to accept this rejection was because I had begged and pleaded with God in prayer...."God, you know that this is the desire of my heart....I am seeking you....I am asking....please meet this need and bless me with this job that I sooo desire." And...the thing was I wanted this job because I knew I could show compassion like never before to students in this type of class....I wanted to love them and serve them. I have already been praying for my future students....and I just knew that they would be part of this class. So, my reasons for wanting this job were not selfish. But, they obviously were not God's plan. It is hard to understand when our ways are not his way....but I am encouraged that God has an amazing position out there for me....and I will keep searching daily until I find it. So.....if you are reading this...please pray for my job search...and pray for discernment for me...and also patience for Ryan as he continues to wait also.