Saturday, June 25, 2011

Project Aisle 23: Post 2

Last week God spoke to me about a burden that I was carrying so heavily on my soul through one sweet old man whom I had never before met. This week, God spoke to me through the lives of four women some I've known my entire life and some just a short time. I am so excited to share this with you...but my mind is racing to tell you so much that I might lose you. I'll try to reign in my thoughts. So remember, last week God taught me to stop worrying about being the parent that all the books were telling me to be and trust Him to teach me. This week, over and over, God was speaking to me about His faithfulness. On Tuesday, I was in the ladies bathroom of church nursing Noah (we had VBS all week so I was at the church with Noah helping). A friend and mother of two, Karen came in and out of the blue she told me that she knew I was very hesitent and worried about becoming a mom but that as she had been watching me with Noah that I was so naturally very maternal with him. I knew that this was an answered prayer. I was so fearful of becoming a mom...I had all of these questions and doubts. Everyone said I would instinctly know what to do and that I would instantly fall in love with my baby. But I feared that I would be the one person who didn't know what to do or fall in love with my own child. I prayed, and God was so faithful to answer. Karen's sweet words just shone light on God's faithfulness. Then, mid week I received I spoke with one of my best friends (since like 9th grade), Jenni. As we spoke, God reminded me of yet another way where He proved himself faithful to answer me when I cried out to Him. You see, after I had Noah James, I went through a period of time where I was overwhelmed with fear of something happening to him, Ryan, or me. These constant fears brought sadness. In talking about this with Jenni. I knew that the only way I got over that period of fear and sadness was through prayer and the Lord. So...once again...God was reminding me of His faithfulness. The third woman who God used is my friend Kristin. She lives down the road from me and sold us our she then became my co-worker and friend. She called because she shockingly found out she was expecting. She was one of the first people I told that I was pregnant...and in that conversation I sobbed, I was mad, I was scared, I was bitter, I was so confused. She remembered how upset I was about getting pregant and thought I could empathize with her. And while I could, I also could not believe the way I reacted to my news. I cried out to God throughout my entire pregnancy..not rejoicing over the new life inside me...but being honest about my fears. ....I can't believe that was me. I can't believe I felt that way about my baby. But God...he did not think less of me. He listened and he was again faithful to answer. I am more in love than I ever thought possible. Thank you Lord for being faithful to listen and answer. The fourth lady that God used to encourage me this week is my aunt. I went to the mailbox one day this week and found such an encouraging letter that I know Christ led her to write. Once again, God reminded me of his faithfulness to show himself to us.

I began to think about how neat it is that God desires to speak to us through his word, others, his creation, etc. But I have to admit. I got a little sad wondering how many times He was longing to offer me encouragement, or trying to speak into my life....but I wasn't listening for His voice. I have learned the more you listen, the more you hear His voice, and the more you hear it, the easier it is to recognize and discern His voice from all the others. He is faithful to show himself to you!!!

"O Lord, You are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure." Isaiah 25:1

1 comment:

Olivia said...

Hey Stacy! It's Olivia-from Tx-we were interns at Bay together! I have your blog on my bookmarks and randomly clicked it today! Congrats on mommyhood-it's been the best (almost) 3 years of my life! This entry touched me in so many ways-we were not ready to be parents-more so me, and I remember being very nervous as you described, even to the fact of not loving my girly girl! I can't imagine life without her, and I'm sure you feel the same way too! What a blessing! Just wanted to tell you I think it's natural for some of us to feel that way-you won't believe how much easier it gets as a mommy later on! I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job-and congrats again!